How to Get Out the Door In 10-15 Minutes

Most days I have work in the morning, I am out of bed and into the car in under 10 minutes. My morning schedule goes something like this:

1) After two snooze sessions, my alarm goes off and I jump out of bed. The "jumping" part is important; starting the day moving quickly will stimulate your adrenal gland and make you move much quicker until you get to the car(pool) or bus.

2) I throw on my work uniform (about 2 minutes, including time it takes for me to rifle through the laundry and find it). If you work in a business casual or casual place, set your clothes out the night before. Don't forget socks and jewelry! I usually keep some studs in my car and I sleep in my everyday necklace, mostly cutting that step out.

3) I brush my hair and throw it in a ponytail. (15 seconds)

4) I run up and use the bathroom, pressing the excess water from washing my hands onto my cheeks and neck. I moisturize using a face lotion that I squirt on my hands and rub all over my face. Bonus: any extra you can rub into your hands (about 2 minutes).

5) Grab my purse, make sure my wallet, cellphone, and keys are in it, and throw on a jacket if needed. Go to the door, slide on shoes. (about 2 minutes).

If it's very cold outside, I'll run out and start my car after Step 3 or 4. If it's snowed the previous night, I allot myself an extra 5 minutes to scrape the snow and ice off my car.

Because I have coffee and hot water at work, I grab an oatmeal packet and run out to the car. It usually takes me 7 minutes from snoring to driving. Just for reference, I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON. That's why I spend every possible second in bed. The real secret is making your body move quickly without having to think about it too hard. The only things I think in the morning is "Up. Clothes. Hair. Pee. Cream. Purse. Shoes. Car."

Hope this helps you ladies out the door faster!

Absolute Minimalist Skincare for the Lazy Bitch

Skincare is such a different thing for so many people. There's people with oily skin, normal skin, dry skin (oh man, am I super dry), and sensitive skin (I'm super sensitive, too). Each requires its' own regimen. A lazy bitch doesn't have time for a crazy regimen, I know, but skin is the first step towards looking like an actual human being.

My personal problem is that I'm dry as a bone. I have atopic dermatitis (basically, eczema that lasts your whole life). It's dry as paper, itchy, easily irritated, and flaky, so I've developed some personal skincare for myself. I have a boyfriend who is both sensitive and very oily and acne-prone, however, and so I feel fairly confident giving you both sides of the skincare coin.

Because I'm used to living on-the-go, I know mostly about drugstore and beauty store brands. Unless it was given as a gift, I won't have ever used department store brands. That said, I refer to a lot of online reviews, especially those that have scientific dissections of the ingredients. I've spent a lot (a LOT) of time trawling the breakdowns of skincare ingredients. I wouldn't say I'm an expert, but I would say that I'm more informed than someone who runs into Walgreens to buy whatever sunscreen is on sale.

While I really recommend a cleanser/toner/(serum if possible)/moisturizer regimen, this isn't the most practical for the on-the-go lady. If you really need something that will take 10 seconds or less, then I recommend the following. Note that you can buy all these in drugstores, and that none of them contain fragrances or drying alcohols (some alcohols are moisturizing). Just because you don't have a lot of time doesn't mean that you can't give your skin a little TLC.

I also wanted to make sure that all the products I recommended were safe for sensitive skin. Obviously, you could be allergic to an ingredient in these, but for the most part, these are tried-and-true. Even people who don't have sensitive skin should avoid fragrances and irritating ingredients, because they cut down on your collagen and elastin production. This makes you wrinkle faster -- nobody wants that.

If you're on your way home for the night, you can use both products. If it's the morning and your skin is clean of makeup, just use the other product.

Dry Skin: Albolene Cleanser and Cerave Moisturizing Cream

To remove makeup, I use Albolene (also available at drugstores, though I haven't been able to find it at Wal-Mart). You slather it on your face (dry or just-washed), massage it in for a few seconds, and then wipe it off with a tissue. It feels waxy in the container, but it melts right down and is super easy to remove while locking a little moisture into my skin. I love it.

This is available at almost every U.S. drugstore, as well as Wal-Mart and Target ($14.97 for 16 oz). I don't have any experience with out-of-US stores, but please leave a comment if you've found these items outside the U.S., and where.

I'm recommending CeraVe Moisturizing Cream because it was recommended to my by both my dermatologist and by the SkincareAddiction subReddit. I have tried going without the ceramides and other ingredients that this supplies, and oh man, it is not pretty.

If you still find that you're dry after applying this, you may need actual water for the cream to hold in. The hyaluronic acid in this binds to water to keep it in your skin, but if there isn't enough in your upper skin layers or the environment, it may actually draw it from the lower layers of your skin. To stop that from happening, splash water on your face before applying. If you don't have access to a faucet when you need to use this, dab some water from a water bottle or use a hydrating mist/water in a spray bottle to give the acid enough water to bond to that it doesn't actually dehydrate you.

Try the lotion by Cerave if this takes too long to absorb/is too moisturizing for you.

Yes, I have done both of these in the car.

Normal Skin: Physician's Formula -- Eye Makeup Remover Lotion, for Normal to Dry Skin

This you can keep in your dashboard with a couple cotton balls, and remove makeup whenever you need to. It has moisturizing ingredients, so that you can give your skin a little nutrients while you wash off your day, but it also is crazy inexpensive ($4.99). The directions say that you should wash it off with water afterwards, so just upend your water bottle in the palm of your hand, rub it in gently, and tissue or toilet paper it off. It's best to follow with a light moisturizer if you can, but since this has so many moisturizing ingredients, you'll be okay do do without if you have to.

If you're having trouble getting some makeup off with this, and you can tolerate it, do try the Albolene, above.

For non-sensitive skin, I really loved the Neutrogena Cleansing Towelettes.

They gave a little bit of moisture and conditioning while really getting rid of all of the dirt. These are so incredibly convenient that I'd actually say everyone should have these available, for those nights you get home and stupid o'clock and all you want to do is crash. They take about 10 seconds, and you can literally see all of the color coming off of your face. They do have fragrance and drying alcohols, though, so this isn't a great option for every night. Also, unless you get them on sale, they aren't very cost-effective. You get about 25 for $4.45, so they won't break your bank or anything, but getting a liquid and cotton balls is far, far more frugal. I keep these for party nights.

Oily Skin: Neutrogena Oil-Free Eye Makeup Remover and Stridex Maximum-Strength Pads

I'm not going to say that I've removed makeup on my boyfriend before, but this is an extremely well-reviewed drugstore oily skin makeup remover. It doesn't have irritating ingredients and no fragrance, so it's gentle. Technically, I could use this on my super dry, super sensitive skin if I didn't insist on all my products to be moisturizing.

For breakouts: I started using Stridex when my aunt recommended it, but I was using the Sensitive Skin version, in the green box. The SkincareAddiction subReddit (which I really do thank for helping me help my bf's skin) recommended this one instead. The salicylic acid (the medication that cleanses your pores) isn't effective in the green box because of the pH. Just because it says "Maximum" on the red box doesn't mean you should be scared of it. The medication is the same as most any that you'll find over-the-counter, but without alcohol. It's also in a convenient pad, so you can just smear it around your face. This is a holy grail product both for my boyfriend and many other people. His hormonal acne cooled down so intensely after using this once a day that I wish I had taken pictures. 

You'll want to smooth this all over your face and/or affected areas. I recommend doing this on your face if you tend to break out, even if you don't have any at the moment. You'll definitely feel it on your skin, for about 5-10 seconds. Once it's dry, you can go on to use a light moisturizer if you feel you need it. 

All right, Lazy Bitches, that's it! If you have any recommendations or holy grail products that you can use on-the-go, please leave it in the comments below. Note that I DO NOT recommend doing only this every night. You definitely need to give your skin some TLC from time to time. That said, you and I both know that we can't spend all that time when we're out at the bar with our friends till 2am. This is for those nights! Live a little, and keep yourself in decent shape. Have fun, ladies! :]

Introduction to Beauty for the Lazy Bitch

Look. I don't have a lot of time in the morning. I like to drink. I like to party with my friends, I like to watch movies, read books, play video games, drink. Mornings are their own set of evil. That said, I like to look at least presentable to my coworkers -- they haven't done anything to deserve the ramifications of my lifestyle. That said, I've gotten getting ready for work down to a fucking science.

Even after work, I like to actually do things, and not spend hours in my well-used bathroom while I try to make myself more stunning than whoever else I may be grocery shopping with. While my skin may be aggressively dry, I can dress it up well enough.

This blog is for ladies like me, who want to be able to make themselves look pretty decent without waking up an hour earlier. This blog is for people who sleep at their friends' houses and don't want to make a huge deal of their beauty routine. This blog is for people who apply their makeup at stoplights. This blog is for people who have less than five minutes to "do their face," but who don't want to look absolutely gross next to the people who spend hours doing their hair and makeup.

My mother never had time to do herself up. She's a teacher, and had to wake up at 4:45 to be able to spend 10 minutes in the bathroom, eat breakfast, and leave for work on time. She spent almost all of those 10 minutes doing her hair, because her hair was thinning on top. Almost all of that time was spend meticulously creating curls that covered what she wanted covered, and curling enough of the rest of her hair that it didn't seem out of place. Then she slathered on eyeliner and colored chapstick, and was done.

My mother was a little of a special case with her hair. I think that we can get our faces ready with a bare minimum of time, just like she did. As long as we're not aiming to completely curl our hair or do a crazy hairstyle, I think that girls today have access to products that can get us out the door quickly, so that we can go straight to living our lives.

A couple years ago, I was even a hidden homeless, who spent most of her nights in her car or at friends' houses. I wasn't actually poor, but I wasn't able to get my own place without roommates, and my parents' house was full of allergens. I was sleeping in my car, showering at my friends' houses, and stopping by my parents' to do my laundry. Not all of these tips will help a hidden homeless, but a lot of them started while that was my life. It was the first time in my life that I wanted to look beautiful -- and the first time in my life that I didn't have the time and resources to do so.

So welcome! I hope this blog helps you. I found a lot of this after trial and error. Even now, when I have a welcoming and loving home to sleep in every night, the mornings are not a time when I want to wake up earlier than absolutely necessary. I still use a lot of this day-to-day. Am I a night owl? Absolutely. Am I drunk? Most likely. Do I have insomnia? Most definitely. Is every second precious in the morning? Without doubt.

With that in mind, I'd like to present to you my way of life -- Beauty for the Lazy Bitch. I don't want to wake up early. I don't want to spend an hour in the bathroom in the evening. I want my skin to be nourished, to prevent early aging. I want my face to look socially acceptable for my coworkers, and other people during the day.

Welcome.